1 00:00:01,261 --> 00:00:05,357 - My car! Someone's stealing my car! - We had evidence in the trunk. 2 00:00:05,466 --> 00:00:08,458 This could have been an attempt to poison one of your stars. 3 00:00:08,569 --> 00:00:12,335 - That woman's an animal. - And he's just a washed-up old has-been! 4 00:00:12,439 --> 00:00:14,737 You really are... 5 00:00:14,842 --> 00:00:17,208 a very striking woman. 6 00:00:17,311 --> 00:00:19,711 I am not going to give him another chance to kill me! 7 00:00:19,813 --> 00:00:23,146 The bone structure of Garbo. 8 00:00:23,250 --> 00:00:27,186 - The man's an animal. - Stop it, Mr. Vivyan! Let go of me! 9 00:00:27,287 --> 00:00:29,380 - You made a pass at Miss Holt. - Oh, yes. 10 00:00:29,490 --> 00:00:31,185 -[ Tires Screeching ] -[ Laura ] Watch out.! 11 00:03:55,529 --> 00:03:59,989 Excellent, Mildred. It sounds as if Mr. Steele has everything under control. 12 00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:04,196 I can't find the boss anywhere. I've called every gin mill in Los Angeles. 13 00:04:04,304 --> 00:04:08,673 That's the kind of initiative the Remington Steele Agency is noted for. 14 00:04:08,776 --> 00:04:11,939 Well, do you want me to start trying the saloons in the Valley? 15 00:04:12,045 --> 00:04:14,343 I couldn't have said it better myself. 16 00:04:14,448 --> 00:04:18,851 And please, tell Mr. Steele that the client anxiously awaits his arrival. 17 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:22,381 Good news, Miss Wagenbacher. 18 00:04:22,489 --> 00:04:25,720 Mr. Steele is making great progress in locating your star. 19 00:04:25,826 --> 00:04:27,794 Ah. 20 00:04:28,862 --> 00:04:30,830 You look honest. 21 00:04:32,633 --> 00:04:34,601 You seem honest. 22 00:04:34,701 --> 00:04:38,797 That gives you three on a scale of 1 0. If you're doing a number on me- 23 00:04:38,906 --> 00:04:43,605 Miss Wagenbacher, the Remington Steele Agency does not do numbers. 24 00:04:43,710 --> 00:04:45,610 Now, look, Miss Integrity... 25 00:04:45,712 --> 00:04:49,011 this is not some pointless little miniseries we're shooting here. 26 00:04:49,116 --> 00:04:52,882 It's not some infantile sitcom to save a floundering network. 27 00:04:52,986 --> 00:04:55,580 - This is important. - I know. 28 00:04:55,689 --> 00:04:59,056 It's a commercial, the linchpin of the television industry. 29 00:04:59,159 --> 00:05:01,059 Not a commercial! 30 00:05:01,161 --> 00:05:03,686 The hottest commercial on the tube. 31 00:05:03,797 --> 00:05:07,699 I am producing the- the E. T. of frozen foods here. 32 00:05:09,136 --> 00:05:12,003 Now, we've already lost one day's shooting... 33 00:05:12,105 --> 00:05:15,438 and you people promised to find Derek and have him here on the set this morning. 34 00:05:15,542 --> 00:05:19,569 - Doris.! - Heather, baby.! 35 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,945 - I've been thinking. - Of course you have. 36 00:05:23,050 --> 00:05:25,518 We don't need that old drunk Derek. 37 00:05:25,619 --> 00:05:27,985 I can do the scene alone. 38 00:05:28,088 --> 00:05:31,888 Oh, darling, that is so flexible of you... 39 00:05:31,992 --> 00:05:34,085 - so gallant. - Oh. 40 00:05:34,194 --> 00:05:38,790 It's spirit like yours that gives me the will to go on. 41 00:05:38,899 --> 00:05:40,799 Then it's okay? 42 00:05:40,901 --> 00:05:42,801 Well, of course it is, dear. 43 00:05:42,903 --> 00:05:45,599 Just give me a moment to rewrite the script... 44 00:05:45,706 --> 00:05:48,834 rearrange the set and restructure the business. 45 00:05:48,942 --> 00:05:51,274 Mwah! Kiss, kiss. 46 00:05:51,378 --> 00:05:53,346 [ Laughs ] 47 00:05:54,715 --> 00:05:56,842 She could do the scene alone. 48 00:05:56,950 --> 00:05:59,418 It's a love scene. 49 00:05:59,519 --> 00:06:02,215 But America's gone bananas over a couple... 50 00:06:02,322 --> 00:06:04,790 and a couple is one of each sex... 51 00:06:04,892 --> 00:06:07,759 at least on the screen. 52 00:06:07,861 --> 00:06:11,695 You know, Derek Vivyan is a very corrupting influence. 53 00:06:11,798 --> 00:06:15,359 If he's got Mr. Steele caught up in his childish high jinks- 54 00:06:15,469 --> 00:06:19,599 Miss Wagenbacher, if there's one thing I can assure you about Mr. Steele... 55 00:06:19,706 --> 00:06:23,164 it's that when he's working, he's deadly serious. 56 00:06:23,310 --> 00:06:26,211 You fool, Raleigh! You headstrong fool. 57 00:06:26,313 --> 00:06:28,941 You'll die for your childish idealism. 58 00:06:29,049 --> 00:06:31,847 [ Grunting ] 59 00:06:35,856 --> 00:06:39,519 No, Lord Ivan. Good always triumphs. 60 00:06:39,626 --> 00:06:42,254 - Did I really say that? - Thrillingly, as I remember. 61 00:06:42,362 --> 00:06:43,989 Oh, bless you, Steele. 62 00:06:46,266 --> 00:06:49,030 And to think that your death will be for so little cause! 63 00:06:49,136 --> 00:06:51,070 - Uh- Uh- - Lady Huguette! 64 00:06:51,171 --> 00:06:55,198 - Ah, Lady Huguette is, uh- - What is mere life, when a lady's virtue is at stake? 65 00:06:55,309 --> 00:06:59,245 Whew! If I said that, I must have been very young. 66 00:06:59,346 --> 00:07:01,473 1 953. Young Raleigh. 67 00:07:01,581 --> 00:07:03,879 You, Ellen Drew, Basil Rathbone. 68 00:07:03,984 --> 00:07:06,885 - Lord, what a memory! - I watch it every time it's on the late show. 69 00:07:06,987 --> 00:07:10,047 Yes, I must try to catch it myself. I hear I'm rather good. 70 00:07:10,157 --> 00:07:12,125 Derek, you have exhausted me. 71 00:07:12,225 --> 00:07:15,854 - And we really must be on our way to the location. - Oh, so soon? 72 00:07:15,963 --> 00:07:19,763 Look, can't we just have one more go-round? 73 00:07:19,866 --> 00:07:24,269 This time from The Passionate Troubadour. 74 00:07:24,371 --> 00:07:27,534 Derek, you promised the dueling scene from Young Raleigh... 75 00:07:27,641 --> 00:07:29,541 and then we would be on our way. 76 00:07:29,643 --> 00:07:32,134 - I did? - Three hours ago. 77 00:07:32,245 --> 00:07:36,375 Well, if I'm nothing else... 78 00:07:36,483 --> 00:07:39,748 I am a man of my word. 79 00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:45,983 Ahh. 80 00:07:46,093 --> 00:07:49,187 Come, old and trusted friend. 81 00:07:49,296 --> 00:07:53,096 It's time to face the cameras again. 82 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,532 - [ Squawking ] - What an intriguing companion. 83 00:07:55,635 --> 00:07:58,103 - How long have you had him? - Olivier? 84 00:07:58,205 --> 00:08:00,469 Ah, about, uh, 1 2 hours. 85 00:08:00,574 --> 00:08:03,737 He's a gift from an amorous ornithologist. 86 00:08:03,844 --> 00:08:05,812 [ Chuckles, Clicks Tongue ] 87 00:08:05,912 --> 00:08:08,380 Innkeeper? A last libation. 88 00:08:08,482 --> 00:08:10,382 And you, my dear? 89 00:08:10,484 --> 00:08:12,384 - Derek, old chap. - Huh? 90 00:08:12,486 --> 00:08:15,717 I doubt if they can start without the star. 91 00:08:15,822 --> 00:08:18,552 Nice try, Steele. Nice try. 92 00:08:18,658 --> 00:08:20,626 Yes, but do bear with me. 93 00:08:20,727 --> 00:08:22,695 I've played Hamlet at the Old Vic. 94 00:08:22,796 --> 00:08:25,765 I've played Congreve at Chichester, Beckett at the Edinburgh Festival... 95 00:08:25,866 --> 00:08:28,300 and now I'm to play second lead... 96 00:08:28,402 --> 00:08:33,101 to a platter of Chef Gaston's preshrunk beef bourguignonne. 97 00:08:34,207 --> 00:08:36,675 - Make it a double. - [ Squawks ] 98 00:08:40,347 --> 00:08:42,247 - Hello. - [ Mutters ] 99 00:08:42,349 --> 00:08:44,249 - Morning! - Morning. 100 00:08:44,351 --> 00:08:46,285 I should say. 101 00:08:46,386 --> 00:08:49,822 - Open your mouth. - Thank you very much. 102 00:08:49,923 --> 00:08:52,653 Aha! Avast there, my hearties! 103 00:08:52,759 --> 00:08:56,092 Heave to and prepare to be boarded. 104 00:08:56,196 --> 00:08:58,096 That's The Pirate Prince. 105 00:08:58,198 --> 00:09:03,158 And they say the booze has gotten to me. [ Laughing ] 106 00:09:05,038 --> 00:09:08,667 - [ Squawking ] - [ Man ] Bring on the food. 107 00:09:22,789 --> 00:09:27,522 You call that food, Mady? Look at it. 108 00:09:27,627 --> 00:09:30,892 I want to see it shimmer and shine. 109 00:09:30,997 --> 00:09:34,160 Put some carnauba wax on it. 110 00:09:34,267 --> 00:09:36,701 My lamb. My pet. 111 00:09:36,803 --> 00:09:39,135 My most treasured possession. 112 00:09:39,239 --> 00:09:41,503 You think only of me. 113 00:09:41,608 --> 00:09:43,508 How can you tell? 114 00:09:43,610 --> 00:09:47,410 Why, because you've prepared a feast fit for a king... 115 00:09:47,514 --> 00:09:51,541 a repast to tickle the most prejudiced palate. 116 00:09:51,651 --> 00:09:55,519 Chef Gaston's Beef Bourguignonne. 117 00:09:55,622 --> 00:09:59,217 Brilliant. Now,you both sit down. 118 00:09:59,326 --> 00:10:01,851 And now, Heather, I want you to lean forward. 119 00:10:01,962 --> 00:10:05,955 Revealing most, if not all, ofher talent. 120 00:10:06,066 --> 00:10:09,763 Listen, you!Just because I didn't study at the Old Victrola- 121 00:10:09,870 --> 00:10:13,931 - Old Vic! - doesn't mean I don't know my craft. 122 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:16,941 What craft is that? Assault or landing? 123 00:10:17,043 --> 00:10:19,739 - [ Doris ] Stop it, you two. - Let's go for a take. 124 00:10:19,846 --> 00:10:24,215 Uh, Stanley, old chum. Might we just make a slight adjustment? 125 00:10:24,317 --> 00:10:26,751 What kind of an adjustment? 126 00:10:26,853 --> 00:10:30,448 Couldn't I,just this once, feed her? 127 00:10:30,557 --> 00:10:32,457 I always feed him. 128 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:34,527 After all, if I love the sow so much... 129 00:10:34,628 --> 00:10:37,597 wouldn't I want her to be the first to experience... 130 00:10:37,697 --> 00:10:40,598 this... glistening glop? 131 00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:43,897 I have to feed him. It defines my character. 132 00:10:44,004 --> 00:10:47,371 It's contemporary. It's- It's dynamic. 133 00:10:47,474 --> 00:10:49,942 It's something Joan Collins might do. 134 00:10:52,212 --> 00:10:55,670 Mady.! Mady, will you get this damn bird out ofhere? 135 00:10:55,782 --> 00:10:59,684 He's destroying my composition! 136 00:11:05,025 --> 00:11:08,017 It's a disaster, an absolute disaster. 137 00:11:08,128 --> 00:11:11,564 The company's wrapped, my two stars have locked themselves in their dressing rooms... 138 00:11:11,665 --> 00:11:15,066 and all I have to show after two days' work is a dead parrot! 139 00:11:15,168 --> 00:11:17,830 Well, we'll have the food analyzed, perform an autopsy- 140 00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:20,566 - On a bird? - My dear Miss Wagenbacher- 141 00:11:20,674 --> 00:11:23,142 Doris. Please, call me Doris. It's faster. 142 00:11:23,243 --> 00:11:26,371 This could have been an attempt to poison one of your stars. 143 00:11:26,479 --> 00:11:29,971 Oh, no. Don't say that. Don't even think that. It's too much to bear. 144 00:11:30,083 --> 00:11:32,278 I realize it's emotionally unsettling. 145 00:11:32,385 --> 00:11:34,945 Unsettling? It's earth-shattering. 146 00:11:35,055 --> 00:11:38,684 If that little pecker was poisoned, Derek and Heather will run for the hills. 147 00:11:38,792 --> 00:11:41,420 Who knows if they'll ever come back? 148 00:11:41,528 --> 00:11:43,996 Is that all you're concerned about? 149 00:11:44,097 --> 00:11:46,224 You don't seem to understand. 150 00:11:46,333 --> 00:11:48,528 Those two are irreplaceable. 151 00:11:48,635 --> 00:11:51,536 They have captured the hearts of the television audiences. 152 00:11:51,638 --> 00:11:56,405 Without them, there are no Chef Gaston commercials. 153 00:11:56,509 --> 00:11:59,501 Oh, it was so much simpler in the old days... 154 00:11:59,613 --> 00:12:04,016 when we had dancing cigarette packs and little Speedy Alka-Seltzer. 155 00:12:04,117 --> 00:12:07,143 Huh. Well, Doris, look on the bright side. 156 00:12:07,254 --> 00:12:11,315 Perhaps Olivier here was just allergic to carnauba wax, eh? 157 00:12:11,424 --> 00:12:13,324 - Mr. Steele. - Doris. 158 00:12:13,426 --> 00:12:15,394 Miss Wagenbacher. 159 00:12:16,496 --> 00:12:18,657 Miss Wagenbacher. 160 00:12:18,765 --> 00:12:20,562 Mr. Steele! 161 00:12:24,371 --> 00:12:26,669 Neither Heather nor Derek answers. 162 00:12:26,773 --> 00:12:30,140 Either they've left or they're too terrified to come to the door. 163 00:12:30,243 --> 00:12:33,576 It's understandable. One of them could be marked for murder. 164 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,807 Now, let's not jump to conclusions. 165 00:12:35,915 --> 00:12:38,213 Perhaps the bird expired from sunstroke. 166 00:12:38,318 --> 00:12:40,843 Mm-hmm. Or that last martini that Derek gave him. 167 00:12:40,954 --> 00:12:44,390 - Or maybe the lights spoiled the food. It's- - [ Car Engine Starts ] 168 00:12:44,491 --> 00:12:48,257 My car. Someone's stealing my car! 169 00:12:52,432 --> 00:12:56,266 Well, at least it saved us the cost of an autopsy. 170 00:12:56,369 --> 00:12:59,133 I think it's safe to say that that food was definitely poisoned. 171 00:12:59,239 --> 00:13:02,140 Now all we have to do is figure out whom it was meant for. 172 00:13:02,242 --> 00:13:03,573 Yeah. 173 00:13:08,648 --> 00:13:12,345 Alas, poor Olivier. 174 00:13:12,452 --> 00:13:14,420 Dear parrot... 175 00:13:14,521 --> 00:13:17,490 for you the war is over. 176 00:13:17,590 --> 00:13:19,785 May you find the peace... 177 00:13:19,893 --> 00:13:21,793 you so richly deserve. 178 00:13:23,229 --> 00:13:25,390 - Have they arrested her yet? - Whom? 179 00:13:25,498 --> 00:13:29,229 - The silicone starlet. - You suspect Heather tried to kill you? 180 00:13:29,336 --> 00:13:33,602 Have you any idea why those commercials are so successful, Miss Holt? 181 00:13:33,707 --> 00:13:36,676 It's my talent and her cleavage. 182 00:13:40,847 --> 00:13:44,112 In this town, "D'' cups are a dime a dozen. 183 00:13:44,217 --> 00:13:46,515 Even the public knows that. 184 00:13:46,619 --> 00:13:49,520 " To the real star of the Chef Gaston commercials. 185 00:13:49,622 --> 00:13:51,556 - Mm-hmm. - A devoted fan.'' 186 00:13:51,658 --> 00:13:54,286 One of these arrives every morning, like clockwork. 187 00:13:54,394 --> 00:13:56,919 Oh. 188 00:13:57,030 --> 00:14:01,797 You see, Heather's jealousy finally drove her over the brink. 189 00:14:01,901 --> 00:14:05,428 Take it from me. That woman's an animal. 190 00:14:05,538 --> 00:14:09,804 The man's an animal, an absolute animal. 191 00:14:09,909 --> 00:14:14,039 The first day we worked together, he invited me into his dressing room. 192 00:14:14,147 --> 00:14:16,672 Well, I thought it was to talk about the part... 193 00:14:16,783 --> 00:14:19,752 but then he peeled off his robe, and he was stark naked. 194 00:14:19,853 --> 00:14:21,753 Hmm. 195 00:14:21,855 --> 00:14:26,292 Well, calm as you please, like he was ordering tuna on rye... 196 00:14:26,393 --> 00:14:29,328 he says, " Shall we get to it?'' 197 00:14:29,429 --> 00:14:34,366 Well, I just thought it was some sort of method acting, so I started reading my lines. 198 00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:37,834 But he grabbed me, and he threw me on the sofa. 199 00:14:37,937 --> 00:14:40,838 And- Oh! 200 00:14:40,940 --> 00:14:44,876 Being a serious actress and knowing I already had the part... 201 00:14:44,978 --> 00:14:48,744 I slapped him across the puss, and I left. 202 00:14:48,848 --> 00:14:51,476 I hardly think a man of Derek Vivyan's stature would stoop to murder... 203 00:14:51,584 --> 00:14:53,484 just because you wouldn't, uh- 204 00:14:53,586 --> 00:14:56,214 - Come across? - In a word. 205 00:14:56,322 --> 00:15:01,021 Oh, he can't stand it because he knows I'm the real star of those commercials... 206 00:15:01,127 --> 00:15:05,587 and he's just a- a washed-up old has-been with stinky breath. 207 00:15:05,698 --> 00:15:09,862 Why do you think he wanted me to eat that stuff? 208 00:15:09,969 --> 00:15:12,597 - Hmm? - Because he knew it was poisoned. 209 00:15:12,705 --> 00:15:15,367 He poisoned it himself. 210 00:15:15,475 --> 00:15:18,444 Why did you want to change the script and feed Heather? 211 00:15:18,545 --> 00:15:22,447 Well, a script is merely a starting point... 212 00:15:22,549 --> 00:15:24,744 a sodden piece of clay... 213 00:15:24,851 --> 00:15:28,844 waiting for the imprint of the actor. 214 00:15:28,955 --> 00:15:33,824 Besides, that silken-haired sow had been shoving that slop down my throat for a year... 215 00:15:33,927 --> 00:15:36,225 always managing to miss my mouth... 216 00:15:36,329 --> 00:15:39,298 and jab me in the upper lip with the fork. 217 00:15:39,399 --> 00:15:41,890 So I decided to give her a dose of her own medicine. 218 00:15:42,001 --> 00:15:44,936 - A fatal dose, Mr. Vivyan? - Me? 219 00:15:45,038 --> 00:15:47,097 Perhaps for the same motive you attributed to Heather. 220 00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:50,176 I have nothing to be jealous of. 221 00:15:50,276 --> 00:15:52,608 I will admit there was a time... 222 00:15:52,712 --> 00:15:55,044 when parts weren't exactly coming my way... 223 00:15:55,148 --> 00:15:57,116 but all that's changed now. 224 00:15:57,217 --> 00:16:00,311 Why, I've even been asked to play King Lear at Stratford. 225 00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:03,878 So, until that strumpet is safely behind bars... 226 00:16:03,990 --> 00:16:06,220 I shan't be choking down any more... 227 00:16:06,326 --> 00:16:09,295 of Chef Gaston's cardboard cuisine. 228 00:16:09,395 --> 00:16:13,627 So, until that madman is locked up in the clink, I refuse to set foot on that stage. 229 00:16:13,733 --> 00:16:16,497 I am not going to give him another chance to kill me. 230 00:16:16,603 --> 00:16:19,436 I'm afraid there's not enough evidence to arrest Heather. 231 00:16:19,539 --> 00:16:21,564 At the moment, there's no case against Derek. 232 00:16:21,674 --> 00:16:25,269 - I guess she'll be doing the commercials by herself. - She will? 233 00:16:25,378 --> 00:16:29,508 - So, I suppose he'll be forced to carry on by himself. - He will? 234 00:16:29,616 --> 00:16:31,641 [ Clicks Tongue ] 235 00:16:31,751 --> 00:16:33,685 I shan't let the company down. 236 00:16:33,786 --> 00:16:37,950 Hundreds of people depend on me for their livelihoods. 237 00:16:38,057 --> 00:16:40,525 And after all, the audience does depend on me... 238 00:16:40,627 --> 00:16:43,528 for what little entertainment there is on the tube. 239 00:16:43,630 --> 00:16:46,531 You can count on me, Mr. Steele. 240 00:16:46,633 --> 00:16:48,999 The show must go on. 241 00:16:49,102 --> 00:16:52,697 You're a real trouper, Mr. Vivyan. 242 00:16:52,805 --> 00:16:54,773 I like to think so. 243 00:16:54,874 --> 00:16:57,843 But I'm planning to sleep with my eyes wide open. 244 00:16:57,944 --> 00:17:00,970 Derek Vivyan will kill me over my dead body. 245 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,880 Well, I must say, visually Ifind the image quite intriguing. 246 00:17:04,984 --> 00:17:06,952 Uh, good day. 247 00:17:13,927 --> 00:17:17,419 It's Heather. We're gonna have to move the timetable up. 248 00:17:17,530 --> 00:17:20,897 I don't care how risky it is. Just do it. 249 00:17:25,638 --> 00:17:30,598 Yes. Yes, Sergeant. I've already notified my insurance company. 250 00:17:30,710 --> 00:17:34,578 Well, you see, I don't think it was an ordinary car theft. 251 00:17:34,681 --> 00:17:37,878 We had some evidence in the trunk, and- 252 00:17:37,984 --> 00:17:40,953 A dead parrot and some beef bourguignonne. 253 00:17:42,055 --> 00:17:44,046 - What's he doing? - Laughing. 254 00:17:44,157 --> 00:17:47,524 Hmm. Where do you suppose Mildred keeps the numbers for car rentals? 255 00:17:47,627 --> 00:17:50,960 I've looked through " A'' for automobiles, "C'' for cars, " R'' for rentals... 256 00:17:51,064 --> 00:17:53,692 and all I've come up with so far is a recipe for ratatouille. 257 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,791 Yes, Sergeant. Well, thank you. 258 00:17:55,902 --> 00:17:58,598 Thank you for your concern. 259 00:17:58,705 --> 00:18:02,607 According to the sergeant, my car is probably a Tijuana taxi by now. 260 00:18:02,709 --> 00:18:05,974 - Oh? More fries? - Thanks. 261 00:18:06,079 --> 00:18:10,379 - You want the rest of my cheeseburger? - No, thanks. 262 00:18:10,483 --> 00:18:13,452 Come right in, hon. That's it. 263 00:18:13,553 --> 00:18:15,953 Well, I found out... 264 00:18:16,055 --> 00:18:19,491 who's been sending Derek Vivyan all those booze baskets. 265 00:18:19,592 --> 00:18:21,560 Oh, put 'em right down there. 266 00:18:21,661 --> 00:18:26,325 It cost us a little, but actually it's very nice wine. 267 00:18:26,432 --> 00:18:28,696 Here you go. Thank you so much. 268 00:18:28,801 --> 00:18:30,632 Who's been sending Derek those baskets? 269 00:18:30,737 --> 00:18:34,400 They have all been charged to the same account- Doris Wagenbacher's. 270 00:18:34,507 --> 00:18:38,375 - Doris Wagenbacher? - Try Doris. It's faster. 271 00:18:38,478 --> 00:18:41,447 Why would Doris send booze to an incipient alcoholic? 272 00:18:41,547 --> 00:18:45,074 You know, Laura, we may have overlooked one possible motive. 273 00:18:45,184 --> 00:18:49,382 Whoever's behind this may be trying to sabotage the commercials, not the actors. 274 00:18:49,489 --> 00:18:52,458 You're saying Doris was trying to get Derek so drunk or hungover... 275 00:18:52,558 --> 00:18:54,458 he'd miss the filming? 276 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:57,461 Uh-huh. And when that failed, perhaps she even went so far as to poison the food. 277 00:18:57,563 --> 00:18:59,656 But she produces those commercials. 278 00:18:59,766 --> 00:19:02,326 Why would she try to kill the goose that lays the golden egg? 279 00:19:02,435 --> 00:19:05,063 No, no, no, no. That set is rife with hostility. 280 00:19:05,171 --> 00:19:07,264 [ Mildred ] Oh, I can't believe that. 281 00:19:07,373 --> 00:19:10,001 Are you trying to tell me that they don't like one another? 282 00:19:10,109 --> 00:19:13,101 Let's just say I wouldn't put them both in the same room with a loaded gun. 283 00:19:13,212 --> 00:19:16,978 Ah! Television is so disillusioning. 284 00:19:17,083 --> 00:19:20,052 Could it be that both Heather and Derek are telling the truth... 285 00:19:20,153 --> 00:19:22,644 that neither one of them is trying to kill the other? 286 00:19:22,755 --> 00:19:24,723 I'm so depressed. 287 00:19:26,325 --> 00:19:29,783 [ Sighs ] What do you say we christen the wine? 288 00:19:29,896 --> 00:19:31,864 Thank you, but no, thank you, Mildred. 289 00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:35,127 - We have to be on the set early in the morning. - Me neither. 290 00:19:35,234 --> 00:19:37,702 After spending an afternoon with Derek Vivyan... 291 00:19:37,804 --> 00:19:40,500 I have an overwhelming urge to attend an A.A. meeting. 292 00:19:40,606 --> 00:19:43,336 [ Grunts ] Yes. Say, Mildred, tell me- 293 00:19:43,443 --> 00:19:46,378 - Where do you keep the numbers for the car rentals? - Under " T.'' 294 00:19:46,479 --> 00:19:49,642 - Ah. For transportation. - Tax-deductible. 295 00:19:51,150 --> 00:19:53,084 Good night, Mildred. 296 00:19:53,186 --> 00:19:55,177 [ Wind Howling ] 297 00:19:58,257 --> 00:20:01,454 [ Sighs, Panting ] 298 00:20:01,561 --> 00:20:03,654 Ah, that was exhausting. 299 00:20:03,763 --> 00:20:06,163 Yes, liebchen, but think of it. 300 00:20:06,265 --> 00:20:08,825 We've reached the very top of the world... 301 00:20:08,935 --> 00:20:12,336 where no man or woman has ever trod before. 302 00:20:12,438 --> 00:20:15,202 Oh, and the most exciting part is... 303 00:20:15,308 --> 00:20:19,642 we have Chef Gaston's Veal Fricassees to celebrate. 304 00:20:19,746 --> 00:20:21,646 Oh, liebchen... 305 00:20:21,748 --> 00:20:25,309 you think of everything. 306 00:20:25,418 --> 00:20:29,354 You are standing in my key light. 307 00:20:29,455 --> 00:20:32,390 That's right. You know why? 308 00:20:32,492 --> 00:20:34,756 You didn't brush your teeth. 309 00:20:34,861 --> 00:20:37,955 That's right. Do you know why? 310 00:20:38,064 --> 00:20:42,160 Because you stood in my key light yesterday. 311 00:20:42,268 --> 00:20:44,736 - Murderess. - Poisoner. 312 00:20:44,837 --> 00:20:48,568 - No talent! - Has-been! 313 00:20:54,514 --> 00:20:56,982 [ Stanley ] Cut. All right. Print that. 314 00:20:57,083 --> 00:20:59,051 [ Stanley Continues Talking, Indistinct ] 315 00:20:59,152 --> 00:21:01,347 Congratulations. I never thought either of them... 316 00:21:01,454 --> 00:21:04,389 would show up after what happened yesterday. 317 00:21:04,490 --> 00:21:06,458 What ab- 318 00:21:08,094 --> 00:21:11,188 What about the food? Was it poisoned? 319 00:21:11,297 --> 00:21:14,858 Well, the analysis is taking a bit longer than anticipated... 320 00:21:14,967 --> 00:21:17,731 but all the evidence points in that direction. 321 00:21:17,837 --> 00:21:20,203 However, if one of them is trying to kill the other... 322 00:21:20,306 --> 00:21:22,604 that's not just biting the hand that feeds you. 323 00:21:22,708 --> 00:21:25,438 - It's devouring it. - Obviously you don't know actors. 324 00:21:25,545 --> 00:21:27,979 They're children, self-destructive children. 325 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,481 You can't think of anyone else who might have reason to see one of them dead? 326 00:21:31,584 --> 00:21:35,577 - A critic or two. - What about someone who wanted to stop the commercials? 327 00:21:36,823 --> 00:21:39,291 Well, why would anyone want to do that? 328 00:21:39,392 --> 00:21:42,054 No pun intended, but these commercials do put food on our table. 329 00:21:42,161 --> 00:21:45,756 Then perhaps you can explain to me why you've been sending Derek Vivyan... 330 00:21:45,865 --> 00:21:47,833 gift baskets of alcohol. 331 00:21:47,934 --> 00:21:49,925 Don't be absurd. 332 00:21:50,036 --> 00:21:53,164 That'd be like force-feeding chocolate to a diabetic. 333 00:21:53,272 --> 00:21:55,797 They were charged to your account. 334 00:21:55,908 --> 00:21:57,899 It must've been someone in my office. 335 00:21:58,010 --> 00:22:01,173 After all, it's customary to give gifts to actors. 336 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,407 Every day since the filming started? 337 00:22:03,516 --> 00:22:08,010 No doubt this person was unaware of Derek's predilection. 338 00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:10,588 I'll have it stopped. Don't give it another thought. 339 00:22:10,690 --> 00:22:13,386 But I've been giving it a great deal of thought. 340 00:22:13,492 --> 00:22:16,984 You hired us to see that these commercials were done on schedule... 341 00:22:17,096 --> 00:22:20,497 and Mr. Steele never goes against a client's wishes. 342 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,296 I told you it was a mistake... 343 00:22:23,402 --> 00:22:25,302 and I'll correct it. 344 00:22:33,613 --> 00:22:36,173 Moptop. 345 00:22:36,282 --> 00:22:39,513 I knew you looked familiar. I've been trying to place you all morning. 346 00:22:39,619 --> 00:22:42,417 You're Mady Moore. Moptop. Allied Artists. 347 00:22:42,521 --> 00:22:44,955 Um... 1 963. 348 00:22:45,057 --> 00:22:48,026 I was 1 0 years old. You can't hold me responsible. 349 00:22:48,127 --> 00:22:50,789 I loved your films. Little Miss Mischief. 350 00:22:50,897 --> 00:22:53,991 And- Oh, what's the other one? Uh, Flossie of the Yukon. 351 00:22:54,100 --> 00:22:57,331 Flossie of the Yukon? They pulled that one out after a week. 352 00:22:57,436 --> 00:22:59,700 I hurried. 353 00:22:59,805 --> 00:23:03,241 - I always wondered why you quit acting. - I didn't. 354 00:23:03,342 --> 00:23:05,401 - Acting quit me. - Hmm. 355 00:23:05,511 --> 00:23:08,105 - My awkward age lasted 1 2 years. - Ah. 356 00:23:08,214 --> 00:23:10,409 Please, Mr. Steele, no one knows me. 357 00:23:10,516 --> 00:23:13,212 - I'd like to keep it that way. - Oh, I see. 358 00:23:13,319 --> 00:23:16,311 But don't you- [ Clears Throat ] 359 00:23:16,422 --> 00:23:20,153 Don't you ever get the urge to get back in front of the camera? 360 00:23:20,259 --> 00:23:22,989 No. I had enough of that as a child. 361 00:23:23,095 --> 00:23:27,156 That's why I left. Wound up in Chicago. 362 00:23:27,266 --> 00:23:29,063 That's where I met Stan. 363 00:23:29,168 --> 00:23:32,763 He was a photographer for a food layout magazine. 364 00:23:32,872 --> 00:23:36,501 One thing led to another, and I became his assistant. 365 00:23:36,609 --> 00:23:39,703 And now you're content to spend your days waxing zucchini, eh? 366 00:23:39,812 --> 00:23:42,042 Zucchini doesn't complain about its makeup. 367 00:23:42,148 --> 00:23:44,742 [ Bell Dings ] 368 00:23:44,850 --> 00:23:49,184 We had a few good times in Chicago. Then Stan met Heather. 369 00:23:49,288 --> 00:23:53,349 She was on a promotional tour for something or other. She got him this job. 370 00:23:54,860 --> 00:23:58,261 So, here I am back in Hollywood... 371 00:23:58,364 --> 00:24:00,628 whether I like it or not. 372 00:24:00,733 --> 00:24:03,065 But I go where my husband goes. 373 00:24:03,169 --> 00:24:07,765 Hey, Mady! Come on! Let's go! Get the lead out! Come on! 374 00:24:07,873 --> 00:24:09,966 - I got a schedule to shoot! - Sorry. 375 00:24:10,076 --> 00:24:13,273 - Is Stan your husband? - That's what the marriage license says. 376 00:24:14,714 --> 00:24:18,150 - Doris, I've been thinking. - What is it now, Heather? 377 00:24:18,250 --> 00:24:21,242 How do we know we can trust these guys? 378 00:24:21,354 --> 00:24:25,017 Miss St. Germain, the Remington Steele Agency does not employ the Borgias... 379 00:24:25,124 --> 00:24:28,389 but if it will make you feel any safer, I'll taste the food. 380 00:24:28,494 --> 00:24:30,485 - Oh, no. No, you won't. -Just a nibble. 381 00:24:30,596 --> 00:24:34,362 Your nibble might destroy the statement I'm trying to make. 382 00:24:34,467 --> 00:24:38,995 Well, I am not going to eat that food. 383 00:24:41,273 --> 00:24:46,142 For once, I agree with the old trollop. 384 00:24:47,747 --> 00:24:51,683 All right, everybody, let's do some close-ups of the fricassee. 385 00:24:52,718 --> 00:24:56,848 [ Heather Screaming ] 386 00:24:56,956 --> 00:25:01,325 My costumes! Every one, ruined! 387 00:25:01,427 --> 00:25:05,557 Oh, my evening gown, my negligee! 388 00:25:05,664 --> 00:25:08,155 You! You fiend! 389 00:25:08,267 --> 00:25:10,599 You crazy, old coot! 390 00:25:10,703 --> 00:25:13,763 You, get out of here! How could you do this to me? 391 00:25:13,873 --> 00:25:17,673 - Steady. Steady. - [ Screaming ] 392 00:25:19,645 --> 00:25:21,545 That's a wrap! 393 00:25:37,430 --> 00:25:40,831 Well, I really must apologize, Miss Holt. 394 00:25:40,933 --> 00:25:44,369 - Studios aren't usually this dull. - [ Tires Screeching ] 395 00:25:44,470 --> 00:25:47,496 [ Laura ] Watch out.! 396 00:25:50,242 --> 00:25:51,844 [ Laura ] My car.! 397 00:25:51,844 --> 00:25:52,071 [ Laura ] My car.! 398 00:25:55,815 --> 00:25:59,774 [ Sighs ] I think we have some good news and some bad news, Derek. 399 00:26:01,987 --> 00:26:03,887 What's the good news? 400 00:26:03,989 --> 00:26:06,184 You're no longer a suspect. 401 00:26:06,292 --> 00:26:09,318 Well, what's the bad news? 402 00:26:09,428 --> 00:26:11,419 You're definitely the victim. 403 00:26:20,706 --> 00:26:23,174 I feel positively invigorated. 404 00:26:23,275 --> 00:26:27,405 A brush with death really gets your adrenaline pumping. 405 00:26:27,513 --> 00:26:31,244 Ha ha! Sort of like a perfect Rob Roy. 406 00:26:31,350 --> 00:26:33,875 Rob Roy. Rob Roy. That reminds me. 407 00:26:33,986 --> 00:26:37,183 Why didn't you get out of the way? 408 00:26:37,289 --> 00:26:40,850 Ah. Well, now, don't bandy this about. 409 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,928 It could be very embarrassing... 410 00:26:43,028 --> 00:26:47,397 but just for an instant down there... 411 00:26:47,500 --> 00:26:50,162 I thought I was on a film set... 412 00:26:50,269 --> 00:26:53,727 and I was waiting for the director to yell, " Cut!'' 413 00:27:09,221 --> 00:27:11,655 You really are... 414 00:27:11,757 --> 00:27:14,555 a very striking woman. 415 00:27:16,295 --> 00:27:18,388 Are you aware of that? 416 00:27:18,497 --> 00:27:20,397 Not really. 417 00:27:20,499 --> 00:27:22,933 You have the skin of a de Havilland. 418 00:27:23,035 --> 00:27:25,936 Have you heard any talk on the set? 419 00:27:26,038 --> 00:27:28,438 The bone structure of Garbo. 420 00:27:28,541 --> 00:27:31,169 About why Doris might want the commercials to end? 421 00:27:31,277 --> 00:27:33,268 The lips of a Lamarr. 422 00:27:33,379 --> 00:27:35,677 Anything? [ Grunting ] 423 00:27:37,349 --> 00:27:39,408 Stop it, Mr. Vivyan! Let go of me! 424 00:27:39,518 --> 00:27:42,646 Ah, you proud vixen. Your cries will go for naught. 425 00:27:42,755 --> 00:27:46,885 I intend to possess you this very evening, and I shall not be denied. 426 00:27:46,992 --> 00:27:49,392 What the hell's that from? Oh! 427 00:27:49,495 --> 00:27:52,328 - Oh! - [ Grunts ] 428 00:27:52,431 --> 00:27:56,561 I'm almost beginning to regret saving your life. What are you trying to prove? 429 00:27:56,669 --> 00:27:58,933 That you're still attractive? You are. 430 00:27:59,038 --> 00:28:01,836 That you're still young? You're not! 431 00:28:01,941 --> 00:28:04,774 I'm not a great many things, Miss Holt. 432 00:28:04,877 --> 00:28:07,277 All that talk about King Lear... 433 00:28:07,379 --> 00:28:10,576 that was just to keep up appearances. 434 00:28:10,683 --> 00:28:12,674 Being a semi-serious actor... 435 00:28:12,785 --> 00:28:17,017 I'm supposed to loathe and despise those commercials... 436 00:28:17,122 --> 00:28:19,147 whilst looking for something... 437 00:28:19,258 --> 00:28:22,557 in which I can exhibit my acting prowess... 438 00:28:22,661 --> 00:28:24,629 and show my talent. 439 00:28:24,730 --> 00:28:28,860 But, alas, I'm no longer equipped to play King Lear... 440 00:28:28,968 --> 00:28:33,234 or anything else that lasts for longer than 30 seconds. 441 00:28:33,339 --> 00:28:38,299 My booze-soaked brain... 442 00:28:38,410 --> 00:28:40,935 simply cannot recall the lines. 443 00:28:42,848 --> 00:28:45,908 I find it very difficult to remember... 444 00:28:46,018 --> 00:28:49,112 " Chef Gaston's... 445 00:28:49,221 --> 00:28:52,588 Instant Gourmet Dinner.'' 446 00:28:56,595 --> 00:29:01,225 I don't know which frightens me more- 447 00:29:01,333 --> 00:29:04,200 dying... 448 00:29:04,303 --> 00:29:06,897 or losing those commercials. 449 00:29:08,407 --> 00:29:11,934 I know, Derek. I know. 450 00:29:14,213 --> 00:29:17,546 [ Harp ] 451 00:29:27,893 --> 00:29:31,351 Excuse me. May I help you? 452 00:29:31,463 --> 00:29:33,556 Uh,just admiring your shrubbery. 453 00:29:33,666 --> 00:29:35,759 We don't get many gentlemen for afternoon tea. 454 00:29:35,868 --> 00:29:39,668 Actually, I'm supposed to meet Miss Wagenbacher, but I see she's with someone. 455 00:29:39,772 --> 00:29:42,639 - I find it such bad manners to intrude. - Of course. 456 00:29:42,741 --> 00:29:46,802 - You wouldn't happen to know who her companion is? - Mother Trust. 457 00:29:46,912 --> 00:29:48,812 I beg your pardon? 458 00:29:48,914 --> 00:29:52,680 Mother Trust of Mother Trust's Frozen Sunday Dinners. 459 00:29:52,785 --> 00:29:55,515 - Her picture's on every package. - You've been invaluable. 460 00:29:55,621 --> 00:29:58,647 - Thank you ever so much. Excuse me. - It's quite all right. 461 00:30:00,025 --> 00:30:02,858 Excuse me, ladies. Do forgive me, please. Thank you. 462 00:30:02,961 --> 00:30:05,759 - There you are, Doris. - What are you- 463 00:30:05,864 --> 00:30:08,230 And you, of course, don't need any introduction. 464 00:30:08,334 --> 00:30:12,930 I see that handsome face staring at me every time I open my freezer. 465 00:30:13,038 --> 00:30:15,097 - Love your pot pies. - How dare you- 466 00:30:15,207 --> 00:30:18,176 Be late? A thousand apologies, but I just got out of court. 467 00:30:18,277 --> 00:30:21,075 Please, Doris, do sit. Please sit down. 468 00:30:21,180 --> 00:30:23,910 Sterling Gillette of Drummond, Brady and Sterling Gillette. 469 00:30:24,016 --> 00:30:25,984 - How do you do? - How do you do? 470 00:30:26,085 --> 00:30:29,020 Isn't it a bit early to bring in a lawyer, Doris? 471 00:30:29,121 --> 00:30:31,851 - He is not- - Here in any official capacity. 472 00:30:31,957 --> 00:30:36,451 Doris just asked me to drop in and listen to what you ladies had to say. 473 00:30:36,562 --> 00:30:40,191 - I warn you. He's- - Oh, park it. 474 00:30:40,299 --> 00:30:44,360 You want your lawyer in on this? It's no skin off my nose. 475 00:30:45,804 --> 00:30:48,705 As soon as those Chef Gaston commercials bite the dust- 476 00:30:48,807 --> 00:30:50,707 Don't say any more. 477 00:30:50,809 --> 00:30:54,404 Now, Doris, we don't want Mother Trust here to think there's any problems, do we? 478 00:30:54,513 --> 00:30:58,677 - Is there? - Nothing we can't negotiate our way out of, eh, Doris? 479 00:30:58,784 --> 00:31:00,684 Hmm? As you were saying. 480 00:31:00,786 --> 00:31:04,950 Those commercials have flushed my profits down the dumper. 481 00:31:05,057 --> 00:31:07,821 When Doris puts an end to them, I'll set her up... 482 00:31:07,926 --> 00:31:10,360 in her own advertising agency. 483 00:31:10,462 --> 00:31:15,024 With Mother Trust's Frozen Sunday Dinners as her very first client. 484 00:31:15,134 --> 00:31:18,535 It means a lot of dough all around. 485 00:31:18,637 --> 00:31:20,537 Well, Chef Gaston could sue. 486 00:31:20,639 --> 00:31:24,473 I mean, Doris here, after all, has been contracted to produce those commercials. 487 00:31:24,576 --> 00:31:27,704 Contracts were made to be broken. 488 00:31:27,813 --> 00:31:30,281 What a healthy attitude. [ Laughs ] 489 00:31:30,382 --> 00:31:32,907 After all, that's what keeps us lawyers in Cadillacs. 490 00:31:33,018 --> 00:31:34,986 When we're finished with him... 491 00:31:35,087 --> 00:31:38,056 he won't have a dime to call Legal Aid. 492 00:31:38,157 --> 00:31:40,352 Would you like another? 493 00:31:40,459 --> 00:31:42,825 Five's my limit. 494 00:31:44,897 --> 00:31:47,866 Well, when you've hammered something together... 495 00:31:49,435 --> 00:31:51,403 give me a jingle. 496 00:31:53,038 --> 00:31:57,372 So, your very own advertising agency. 497 00:31:57,476 --> 00:32:01,276 I've earned it. I worked 20 years to get an offer like this. 498 00:32:01,380 --> 00:32:04,645 - Were you ready to kill for it? - I am now. 499 00:32:04,750 --> 00:32:08,618 - And I don't even have to leave this table to do it. - Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. 500 00:32:31,310 --> 00:32:35,007 [ Heather ] You know you want it. You know you need it. 501 00:32:35,113 --> 00:32:37,013 Just like me. 502 00:32:37,115 --> 00:32:41,074 I can't live without it because it makes me feel so good. 503 00:32:41,186 --> 00:32:43,154 Come on. 504 00:32:43,255 --> 00:32:45,553 What are you waiting for? 505 00:32:45,657 --> 00:32:48,490 Step right up and grab yourself... 506 00:32:48,594 --> 00:32:50,585 a handful of Ecstasy. 507 00:32:50,696 --> 00:32:54,029 Ecstasy Shampoo... 508 00:32:54,132 --> 00:32:57,624 to make you look the way you feel. 509 00:32:57,736 --> 00:33:00,068 [ Stan ] And cut.! 510 00:33:00,172 --> 00:33:03,107 - How was that? - Well, you sold me. 511 00:33:03,208 --> 00:33:05,233 Oh, great. 512 00:33:05,344 --> 00:33:07,244 - Mmm. - Oh. 513 00:33:07,346 --> 00:33:09,246 [ Both Laughing ] 514 00:33:10,916 --> 00:33:12,679 - Oh! - Me too. 515 00:33:12,784 --> 00:33:16,686 I'm gonna run right out and buy the giant family-size. 516 00:33:16,788 --> 00:33:18,756 What are you doing here? 517 00:33:18,857 --> 00:33:22,418 - I wanted another look at your costumes. - Why? 518 00:33:22,528 --> 00:33:25,019 They disturbed me. 519 00:33:25,130 --> 00:33:27,121 Well, how- how do you think I felt? 520 00:33:27,232 --> 00:33:30,224 No, I mean, I was disturbed by the look of them. 521 00:33:30,335 --> 00:33:32,530 The tears were so neat. 522 00:33:32,638 --> 00:33:35,505 Every one appeared to be right on a seam. 523 00:33:35,607 --> 00:33:39,703 A good wardrobe woman could whip those back together in a matter of hours. 524 00:33:39,811 --> 00:33:44,407 But I kept asking myself why you'd want to shut down the company. 525 00:33:44,516 --> 00:33:47,383 - Thanks for the answer. - This isn't what it looks like. 526 00:33:47,486 --> 00:33:49,454 We're just fooling around, having some fun. 527 00:33:49,555 --> 00:33:53,047 You shoot commercials all day, and then just for fun you shoot some more at night as well? 528 00:33:53,158 --> 00:33:55,285 I was helping the kid out. 529 00:33:55,394 --> 00:33:59,455 - She's got a shot at being the new Ecstasy Shampoo girl. - Stan. 530 00:33:59,565 --> 00:34:02,932 According to Heather's contract, she can't do any other commercials. 531 00:34:03,035 --> 00:34:05,663 She's exclusive to Chef Gaston. 532 00:34:05,771 --> 00:34:09,036 Unless, of course, there weren't any Chef Gaston commercials. 533 00:34:09,141 --> 00:34:11,302 That old drunk tried to kill me, remember? 534 00:34:11,410 --> 00:34:15,369 You couldn't know Derek would come up with that interesting bit of actor's invention. 535 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:18,540 You always feed him. Isn't that right, Stan? 536 00:34:18,650 --> 00:34:21,414 Hey, don't pull me into this. I'm just the director. 537 00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:25,149 I do whatever the script says. The written word is sacred to me. 538 00:34:25,257 --> 00:34:28,317 Are you going to direct Heather's new commercials too? 539 00:34:28,427 --> 00:34:30,918 - Stan has a feature lined up. - Heather! 540 00:34:31,029 --> 00:34:35,261 Then you're another one who wouldn't be unhappy if these commercials were to be scrapped. 541 00:34:35,367 --> 00:34:38,097 Tell her who they're talking about for the picture, Stan. 542 00:34:38,203 --> 00:34:40,865 Newman, Redford and Hoffman. 543 00:34:40,973 --> 00:34:43,203 Sounds like a project worth killing for. 544 00:34:43,308 --> 00:34:45,936 You better believe it. 545 00:34:46,044 --> 00:34:49,844 Uh, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. 546 00:34:49,948 --> 00:34:52,178 Didn't you? 547 00:35:06,665 --> 00:35:08,565 - Mady. - Hi! 548 00:35:08,667 --> 00:35:10,635 What are you doing here? 549 00:35:10,736 --> 00:35:14,035 I went to get some coffee in that machine near the dubbing room. 550 00:35:14,139 --> 00:35:16,437 Oh, I didn't see any food in there. 551 00:35:16,541 --> 00:35:18,702 You just lending moral support? 552 00:35:18,810 --> 00:35:21,574 They don't know I'm here. I just thought I'd surprise Stan. 553 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,308 Oh. You know, I don't think that's a very good idea... 554 00:35:24,416 --> 00:35:27,283 because they're sort of involved in there in- in the commercial and stuff. 555 00:35:27,386 --> 00:35:29,854 Why don't you show me where the coffee is, huh? 556 00:35:29,955 --> 00:35:31,946 You don't have to protect me, Miss Holt. 557 00:35:33,659 --> 00:35:36,355 I know all about Stan and Heather... 558 00:35:36,461 --> 00:35:38,429 and the big brass bed. 559 00:35:40,799 --> 00:35:42,767 But, believe me... 560 00:35:42,868 --> 00:35:47,430 as far as Stan is concerned, it's just part of the business. 561 00:35:50,275 --> 00:35:53,244 Just like having lunch at the Polo Lounge... 562 00:35:53,345 --> 00:35:56,178 or taking an ad out in Variety. 563 00:35:58,483 --> 00:36:03,182 Well, that's a unique way of looking at it, Mady. 564 00:36:05,957 --> 00:36:09,017 Well, we certainly have a full complement of suspects. 565 00:36:09,127 --> 00:36:11,493 Mmm. Your taco's getting cold. 566 00:36:11,596 --> 00:36:13,826 Oh, I'm not hungry. 567 00:36:13,932 --> 00:36:17,026 Our esteemed client, Miss Wagenbacher, wants the commercials to end... 568 00:36:17,135 --> 00:36:19,865 so she can represent Chef Gaston's archrival. 569 00:36:19,971 --> 00:36:22,337 Try a burrito. It's actually quite tasty. 570 00:36:22,441 --> 00:36:25,239 Heather has an offer to be spokeswoman for a shampoo. 571 00:36:25,343 --> 00:36:27,641 - Is there any more sauce? - Oh, yeah. 572 00:36:27,746 --> 00:36:29,873 Stan wants to direct a movie. 573 00:36:29,981 --> 00:36:33,041 - And even our little Miss Moptop has a motive. - Hmm? What's that? 574 00:36:33,151 --> 00:36:35,779 She knows about the affair Stan is having with Heather. 575 00:36:35,887 --> 00:36:38,447 She thinks if he leaves the commercials, he'll leave Heather too. 576 00:36:38,557 --> 00:36:41,025 Well, I'm delighted we've crossed Derek off our list. 577 00:36:42,527 --> 00:36:45,985 You know, I actually miss him. 578 00:36:46,098 --> 00:36:48,965 I mean, doing all those scenes from his old movies... 579 00:36:49,067 --> 00:36:51,035 none of which he can remember. 580 00:36:51,136 --> 00:36:54,105 Hmm. He's actually quite an endearing character. 581 00:36:54,206 --> 00:36:56,606 Hmm. Yes. 582 00:36:56,708 --> 00:36:58,676 Good old endearing Derek. 583 00:36:58,777 --> 00:37:03,874 One of our more unique people we've encountered, don't you think? 584 00:37:03,982 --> 00:37:06,017 Flamboyant, charming. 585 00:37:06,017 --> 00:37:08,212 Flamboyant, charming. 586 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:11,118 Wistful yet sensitive. 587 00:37:11,223 --> 00:37:13,851 Great panache, zest for life. 588 00:37:13,959 --> 00:37:16,325 But caring, very concerned. 589 00:37:16,428 --> 00:37:20,091 - Enough about Derek, all right? - Excuse me? 590 00:37:20,198 --> 00:37:22,826 Let's just get off Derek for a while, shall we? 591 00:37:22,934 --> 00:37:25,903 Did, uh- 592 00:37:26,004 --> 00:37:28,666 Did something happen between you two? 593 00:37:28,774 --> 00:37:31,937 Of course not. Why do you ask? 594 00:37:32,043 --> 00:37:34,841 Because every time I mention his name, you begin wolfing down food. 595 00:37:36,815 --> 00:37:38,942 - I'm not hungry. - Precisely. 596 00:37:41,686 --> 00:37:45,782 - It's nothing important. - Then you won't mind sharing it with me, eh? 597 00:37:45,891 --> 00:37:49,793 - It was a little misunderstanding. - Mm-hmm. 598 00:37:49,895 --> 00:37:52,557 Ah, hell. He made a pass at me. 599 00:37:52,664 --> 00:37:54,393 Derek? 600 00:37:54,499 --> 00:37:56,967 It wasn't anything I couldn't handle. 601 00:37:57,068 --> 00:37:59,195 Actually, I felt sorry for him, in a way. 602 00:37:59,304 --> 00:38:03,035 He was so transparent in his attempt and so childlike in his guilt. 603 00:38:03,141 --> 00:38:05,803 - What kind of pass? - What sort of passes are there? 604 00:38:05,911 --> 00:38:08,243 - I mean, verbal, physical? - Both. 605 00:38:08,346 --> 00:38:11,713 - How physical? - I don't think this is water that we should wade into here. 606 00:38:11,817 --> 00:38:14,285 You're the one who brought this up. 607 00:38:14,386 --> 00:38:16,445 Why did you mention it in the first place? 608 00:38:16,555 --> 00:38:18,546 - You dragged me into it. - I didn't drag. 609 00:38:18,657 --> 00:38:21,558 I simply inquired, and you chose to respond to my inquiries. 610 00:38:21,660 --> 00:38:25,426 Now, damn it! I mean, how physical did- did the bloody twit get? 611 00:38:27,098 --> 00:38:29,566 - A few kisses. - Did you respond? 612 00:38:29,668 --> 00:38:32,569 - Of course I responded. - How? 613 00:38:32,671 --> 00:38:35,504 - I told him to get off. - What was he on? 614 00:38:35,607 --> 00:38:37,336 The couch. 615 00:38:37,442 --> 00:38:40,468 - Where were you? - Under him. 616 00:38:40,579 --> 00:38:42,945 Oh, God. 617 00:38:43,048 --> 00:38:45,676 The more you reassure me, the worse it gets. 618 00:38:45,784 --> 00:38:49,914 - Where are you going? - To barbecue an old ham. Excuse me, will you? 619 00:38:57,128 --> 00:39:00,097 [ Dramatic ] 620 00:39:04,102 --> 00:39:06,502 Hmm. 621 00:39:07,973 --> 00:39:10,032 [ Phone Rings ] 622 00:39:10,141 --> 00:39:12,109 Hello? Ah, yes, he is. Just a moment. 623 00:39:12,210 --> 00:39:14,371 - What? - Phone call for you, Mr. Vivyan. 624 00:39:14,479 --> 00:39:19,416 Oh? This is an unlisted number, so I take it you know whom you're calling. 625 00:39:19,517 --> 00:39:21,542 Derek, it's Heather. 626 00:39:21,653 --> 00:39:26,215 Aren't you content to torment me for 1 2 hours a day? 627 00:39:26,324 --> 00:39:28,554 Must you make obscene calls too? 628 00:39:28,660 --> 00:39:33,359 I just want to apologize to you for thinking you were trying to kill me. 629 00:39:35,267 --> 00:39:39,294 I know who it is now, and I never thought I'd say this to you... 630 00:39:39,404 --> 00:39:44,341 but Derek- Derek, I need you to help me prove it. 631 00:39:45,577 --> 00:39:48,375 Look, look. I'm at the studio. 632 00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:53,144 Please, you must help me! 633 00:39:54,486 --> 00:39:56,613 Of course, my dear child. 634 00:39:56,721 --> 00:40:00,350 You stay where you are. I'm on my way. 635 00:40:05,263 --> 00:40:10,200 [ Sobbing ] 636 00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:25,449 [ Rings ] 637 00:40:29,554 --> 00:40:32,387 - Remington Steele Investigations. - [ Derek ] Laura? 638 00:40:32,490 --> 00:40:35,118 I've just received a most strange call from Heather. 639 00:40:35,226 --> 00:40:37,126 No, no. Let me amend that. 640 00:40:37,228 --> 00:40:41,358 Any call from Heather would be strange, but this one positively reeks of nutsiness. 641 00:40:41,466 --> 00:40:44,629 She apologized for suspecting me of trying to kill her... 642 00:40:44,736 --> 00:40:47,204 said she knew who the real culprit was... 643 00:40:47,305 --> 00:40:49,398 and asked for my help to prove it. 644 00:40:49,507 --> 00:40:52,237 - Where is she? - Waiting down at the studio. 645 00:40:52,344 --> 00:40:54,938 - Better let me handle it. - [ Chuckling ] 646 00:40:55,046 --> 00:40:59,039 Why do you think I called? I may be a drunk, but I'm not a fool. 647 00:40:59,150 --> 00:41:02,449 I wouldn't trust that little twitch in a room full of nuns. 648 00:41:02,554 --> 00:41:06,490 - Tell Mr. Steele to meet me at the studio. - Steele? He's not here. 649 00:41:06,591 --> 00:41:08,559 He will be. 650 00:41:09,894 --> 00:41:13,796 [ TVContinues ] 651 00:41:20,338 --> 00:41:22,238 [ Gags, Sputters ] 652 00:41:22,340 --> 00:41:25,309 - I've got a bone to pick with you, old chum. - A bone, sport? 653 00:41:25,410 --> 00:41:27,935 - You made a pass at Miss Holt. - Oh, yes. 654 00:41:28,046 --> 00:41:31,140 That's expected of me. I'm the Errol Flynn of the '80s. 655 00:41:31,249 --> 00:41:35,413 You embarrassed her, and you disappointed me. We're supposed to be friends. 656 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,683 Why should a harmless assault affect our friendship? 657 00:41:38,790 --> 00:41:42,920 In addition to being business associates, Laura and I are... 658 00:41:43,028 --> 00:41:44,928 personally involved. 659 00:41:45,030 --> 00:41:48,431 I must say, you do a remarkable job of keeping it a secret. 660 00:41:48,533 --> 00:41:51,001 Well, we can't go around pawing each other in public, can we? 661 00:41:51,102 --> 00:41:53,070 How would it look to our clients? 662 00:41:53,171 --> 00:41:55,969 Besides, we've been awfully busy on this case. 663 00:41:56,074 --> 00:41:58,508 Literally haven't had a moment to ourselves. 664 00:41:58,610 --> 00:42:02,546 No candlelit dinners, no unexpected flowers... 665 00:42:02,647 --> 00:42:04,615 no unbridled passion. 666 00:42:04,716 --> 00:42:07,480 That sort of thing could be fatal to a relationship. 667 00:42:07,585 --> 00:42:10,952 Keeping your nose to the grindstone only gets you a sore nose. 668 00:42:11,056 --> 00:42:12,887 We did share a taco earlier. 669 00:42:12,991 --> 00:42:16,688 Yes, well, you take it from a scarred veteran of the romantic wars... 670 00:42:16,795 --> 00:42:20,697 that it is distressingly easy to fall into a rut... 671 00:42:20,799 --> 00:42:24,997 take each other for granted, misplace the magic. 672 00:42:25,103 --> 00:42:27,765 That's how I lost three of my wives. 673 00:42:27,872 --> 00:42:30,841 - Oh. - Yeah, the three I liked the best. 674 00:42:30,942 --> 00:42:35,140 Now, you must lavish her with flowers, champagne... 675 00:42:35,246 --> 00:42:37,214 a sensible diamond. 676 00:42:39,317 --> 00:42:43,185 Ah! Yes, she's, uh- she's gone to the studio. 677 00:42:43,288 --> 00:42:46,280 Uh, she's gone to meet Olivier's killer... 678 00:42:46,391 --> 00:42:48,825 and she wants you to join her there. 679 00:42:48,927 --> 00:42:52,385 - I'm afraid the sensible diamond will have to wait. - Do you mind if I join you? 680 00:42:52,497 --> 00:42:54,761 After all, I am the intended victim. 681 00:42:54,866 --> 00:42:56,766 Please, do follow. Can you walk? 682 00:42:56,868 --> 00:42:58,733 -Just! - Good. 683 00:43:04,442 --> 00:43:06,342 Heather? 684 00:43:06,444 --> 00:43:09,072 What are you doing here? 685 00:43:09,180 --> 00:43:12,672 Ah, Derek called me. 686 00:43:12,784 --> 00:43:16,447 He said you wanted him to come. I'm-I'm here to help you. 687 00:43:16,554 --> 00:43:18,920 Where is Derek? 688 00:43:19,023 --> 00:43:21,014 He isn't coming. 689 00:43:21,126 --> 00:43:23,924 That's too bad. 690 00:43:24,028 --> 00:43:27,555 That's really too bad. 691 00:43:27,665 --> 00:43:29,565 Heather? 692 00:43:38,409 --> 00:43:41,344 Heather, why don't you come out? We can talk. 693 00:43:42,847 --> 00:43:45,543 [ Screams ] 694 00:43:45,650 --> 00:43:48,380 - Mady? - Mady, that little wimp. 695 00:43:48,486 --> 00:43:51,546 [ Panting ] 696 00:43:51,656 --> 00:43:55,422 Now I know why Stan doesn't want to have anything to do with her... 697 00:43:55,527 --> 00:43:57,927 when he can have me. 698 00:43:58,029 --> 00:44:00,657 Wouldn't you want someone like me? 699 00:44:00,765 --> 00:44:03,700 Someone fresh... 700 00:44:03,801 --> 00:44:06,463 beautiful, sexy. 701 00:44:10,408 --> 00:44:14,469 Stan says mental illness isn't sexy. 702 00:44:14,579 --> 00:44:17,605 But did she get the message? 703 00:44:17,715 --> 00:44:19,615 No. 704 00:44:19,717 --> 00:44:22,686 Now she follows us everywhere. 705 00:44:24,455 --> 00:44:27,151 She spies on us. 706 00:44:27,258 --> 00:44:29,726 She watches us make love. 707 00:44:29,827 --> 00:44:32,295 That's sick. Don't you think that's sick? 708 00:44:34,199 --> 00:44:37,168 But Stan won't leave her... 709 00:44:37,268 --> 00:44:40,431 because he feels sorry for her. 710 00:44:40,538 --> 00:44:43,098 But I don't. 711 00:44:43,208 --> 00:44:45,642 - I want to kill her. - I'll help you! 712 00:44:45,743 --> 00:44:48,473 I'll get Mady out of your life, for good. 713 00:44:48,580 --> 00:44:51,378 - Will you put her back in the nuthouse? - Yes! That's where she belongs! 714 00:44:51,482 --> 00:44:54,007 They said she was cured. 715 00:44:54,118 --> 00:44:57,815 But if she's cured, why does she have those bad dreams all the time? 716 00:44:57,922 --> 00:45:00,789 Why does she wake Stan up every night, shrieking? 717 00:45:00,892 --> 00:45:03,383 We'll call the doctor. They'll take her away. 718 00:45:03,494 --> 00:45:06,861 No. She'll never leave him. 719 00:45:06,965 --> 00:45:10,332 We'll have to live together, side by side. 720 00:45:10,435 --> 00:45:13,802 Then why not kill Mady, Heather? 721 00:45:13,905 --> 00:45:16,567 - Why go after poor Derek? - Poor Derek! 722 00:45:16,674 --> 00:45:20,872 He makes me crazy. Always laughing at me! 723 00:45:20,979 --> 00:45:24,005 He tries to make me out to be a fool in front of the crew. 724 00:45:24,115 --> 00:45:26,913 I'm the real star of these commercials... 725 00:45:27,018 --> 00:45:30,749 and he's holding me back, making me sell all this frozen garbage! 726 00:45:30,855 --> 00:45:33,050 - [ Phone Rings ] - That must be Derek. 727 00:45:33,157 --> 00:45:35,887 He said he'd call to see if you really wanted him to come. 728 00:45:35,994 --> 00:45:38,053 - Let me tell him to come. -[ Phone Rings ] 729 00:45:38,162 --> 00:45:40,892 - Please, he's gonna hang up in a minute! - Tell him to hurry. 730 00:45:42,734 --> 00:45:45,430 - [ Rings ] - No answer. 731 00:45:45,536 --> 00:45:47,834 Perhaps she hasn't arrived yet. 732 00:45:47,939 --> 00:45:50,407 Hmm. Hit it, Fred. 733 00:45:50,508 --> 00:45:53,841 [ Tires Screech ] 734 00:45:55,179 --> 00:45:58,706 I hate people who lie to me! 735 00:45:58,816 --> 00:46:02,582 Hollywood is so full of phonies, it's all you can do to keep your head on straight. 736 00:46:02,687 --> 00:46:04,917 It was Derek. I know it was. Let me call him back. 737 00:46:05,023 --> 00:46:07,457 No! [ Screams ] 738 00:46:24,876 --> 00:46:28,107 It's the rescue scene from Young Raleigh. 739 00:46:48,199 --> 00:46:50,167 Poor, sweet Mady. 740 00:46:50,268 --> 00:46:52,361 I sincerely hope they can help her. 741 00:46:52,470 --> 00:46:56,372 As far as I can understand it, since Stan preferred Heather to her... 742 00:46:56,474 --> 00:46:59,966 in Mady's disturbed mind, she became Heather. 743 00:47:00,078 --> 00:47:03,047 Wouldn't it seem logical- and I know that's a strange word to use- 744 00:47:03,147 --> 00:47:05,115 for her simply to kill Heather? 745 00:47:05,216 --> 00:47:07,309 It would be like committing suicide. After you. 746 00:47:07,418 --> 00:47:09,886 Since Heather, the real Heather, hated Derek... 747 00:47:09,987 --> 00:47:12,182 it was much easier to go after him. 748 00:47:12,290 --> 00:47:14,190 Truly a wondrous place, Hollywood. 749 00:47:14,292 --> 00:47:18,058 [ Gasps ] What is this? 750 00:47:18,162 --> 00:47:22,064 I thought we were just going to grab a quick bite while we finished our paperwork. 751 00:47:22,166 --> 00:47:24,930 Laura, we must never, never allow our work... 752 00:47:25,036 --> 00:47:28,767 to interfere with other more pleasurable pursuits. 753 00:47:28,873 --> 00:47:30,841 Voil�. 754 00:47:45,390 --> 00:47:47,290 Thank you. 755 00:47:47,392 --> 00:47:51,920 And now, for the pi�ce de r�sistance- 756 00:47:53,865 --> 00:47:57,062 Which would you prefer- Chef Gaston's Beef Bourguignonne... 757 00:47:57,168 --> 00:47:59,830 or Veal Fricassee, eh? 758 00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:36,966 [ Mews ] 759 00:48:37,016 --> 00:48:41,566 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0